Friday, December 7, 2012

The Valley of the Shadow of the dead

As I promised I will be writing tonight. Well you guys have a little overview about my army life. I can not disclose where I am right now for opsec reasons and I can get in trouble, but lets just say its not in Fort Bragg.

I once went to church and the pastor said, I quote " The valley of the shadow of the death... Is a valley where all people  fall, once you reach the tip of the mountain, the only way is down. We all reach that valley, and that is where you'll learn your mistakes and will become wiser. Water forms from the tip of the mountain but settles in the valley ,where you'll drink from it. Quenching your thirst from dehydration. Once you have drank all the water you need, you will start your hike to the next mountain, and reach the top." I love this quote because it tells you that at one point of your life you will hit rock bottom. Only when we are in that ditch, is when we learn and become wiser. once you have the knowledge, you will pick yourself up and become successfull. some fall faster and some rise slower, its up to you, the hard work and dedication that you put into it will determine how fast you fall, or how slow you will rise. 

Being away from home sucks. Not being there with your wife and child is not a good feeling, especially if your wife has phobias. LOL she calls me telling me she can not sleep, because I am not home, and lets say my neighborhood isnt the prettiest of them all.

I had made many mistakes in my life financially, partying too much, not budgeting, impulse buying, signing contracts without looking at long term effects. Well you can name it,  I've done it. On top of it all we have like the worst luck in the world, almost a year my wife has been in Fort Bragg, looking for jobs, she can't even land a job at McDonald's. So I'm alone paying all the bills, and trying to make ends meet. As an E-4 in the Army its tough to maintain a family and another child from another woman. It is very difficult. I've attempted to look for a weekend job, man even a night job, but if you are in the Army you know about that 6am PT formation so working at night will be very hard. Weekends "get out of here" in an Italian accent, lol. In the Army you have a very unpredictable schedule. Many employers in Fayetteville know this and would not hire you, because a soldiers schedule is not flexible.

So my wife has been contacting everyone to help us, bring this family to a new beginning. But nothing is given for free, you have to work hard, have determination, and the motivation to pick yourself up and start a new life. I woke up this morning wanting to write about my life, about my mistakes and what I've learned throughout those mistakes.

 My wife moved hundreds of miles away from her life back at home, a great job with the board of education. She did it to be with her soldier, as many military spouses do. Going from being independent to depending on someone is a tough place to be in. She hates being home, despises it, but with her luck its just tough out there to land a job in the Fayetteville community, as she is competing with other spouses, and retired soldiers. I tell her everyday look for a job. Looking for a job is a fulltime job, as in you have to put in the time to find one. I can sometimes be nasty about it, but imagine waking up and thinking, will we have enough money to pay the rent. Having debt collectors call every two hours, will we have enough money for food. All of these can stress a person and make them just give up. Its not a good feeling trust me, I live it every day. So when i get nasty its because im so stressed of living with those thoughts.

Life is tough and only the best make it.

Thanks guys

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